we're blogging at a bar
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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