What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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