Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
