my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
