just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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