Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
