dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
