I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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