Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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