his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
