All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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