I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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