Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
