Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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