When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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