I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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