so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
