I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
