ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
