And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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