haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
