I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
