FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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