I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
