Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
