i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
