Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
