How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
