The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
