Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
