Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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