you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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