she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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