Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
