he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
