I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
