i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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