I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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