I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
