Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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