Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
