i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
