Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
