are you so shy because you have an std?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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