The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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