OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
