I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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