come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Shame is for Republicans.
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