Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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