just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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