I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
