i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
