It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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